Humans have around 50, 000 thoughts every day. With all the thinking that goes on, mind wandering is an activity you may be familiar with. The human mind tries to make sense of the world using past references and memories. Thinking creates a unique narrative through which we understand the world.
According to Buddhist principles, we all have the mind of a monkey. The ‘monkey mind’ is a metaphor to characterize our mind that keeps jumping from one thought to the next just like a restless monkey hops from one branch to the other all day long. The self-talk generated by the ‘monkey mind’ is perpetual. Most humans do not know how to tame their ‘monkey mind.’ The human mind doesn’t come with a manual. If the ‘monkey mind’ is left to its own device, the brain becomes easily distracted. Sometimes, we slip into long-held patterns of feeling and thinking that bring anxiety and a feeling of being overwhelmed. We engage in toxic patterns of thought without realizing the damages we make. Understanding these three common pitfalls will help you tame your ‘monkey mind’.
1. Negativity bias
The ‘monkey mind’ often takes us down a rabbit hole of negative thinking. Our brain is hardwired to pay more attention to the negatives and overlook the positives. Let me give you an example. Tom receives a couple of compliments and a complaint from his customers on the same day. The compliments do not impact upon him much positivity as he almost ignores them. He finds himself obsessed about the one complaint. He goes home and his wife asks him “How was your day?” Tom starts talking about the complaint he received and how bad he feels. He starts telling himself he is not good at his job. He brings the negative thought back home and ruin the rest of his evening.
“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”
Anais Nin
Is your glass half-empty or half-filled?
Tom sees his glass half-empty. He magnifies a complaint he received and filter out all positive complements. He keeps replaying a mistake made over and over again.
How to overcome negative thought pattern?
First things first. You need to gain awareness of the negative thoughts your mind is generating. What we choose to broadcast our mind has powerful effects on our life. If you keep generating destructive thoughts, your mind becomes good at creating more of them. To break this vicious cycle, it’s important to change the channel. The best way is to take actions. You could go for a walk, talk to a positive person or do something that you enjoy. By engaging in an activity, you distract yourself from the constraint of the negative thought pattern.
“Your private inner dialogue can either be a powerful stepping stone or a major obstacle to reaching your goals.”
Amy Morin
2. Overthinking
Tom dwells on the complaint he received and goes over the same thing trying to imagine every possible outcome and what could happen in the future. He can’t stop thinking about should, could and what if.
“I should have done this instead of that”
“What if I’m not good enough”
“I’m going to get fired”
“What people would think of me?”
When we think excessively about something, we get stuck in our head. We impose unnecessary stress upon ourself and our judgement is clouded. Overthinking makes a situation worse than what it is. A complaint stings but it is not the end of the world.
How to stop overthinking?
It is useful to question your thoughts as opposed to believe they are facts. Most negative thoughts are over exaggerations that are not true. When you find yourself overthinking, you almost always worry about things outside of your control. Overthinking clouds your mind and holds you back from taking actions that are within your control. Focus on what you can influence and control.
3. Social comparisons
As much as 10% of our thoughts involve comparison of some kinds. Social comparison is a normal behavior. People constantly measure themselves to friends or colleagues to self-evaluate their wealth, status and relationships. It is difficult to avoid comparing our lifestyle with people we follow on social media. People may compare themselves to someone successful to find motivation or someone worse off to feel better about themselves. Theodore Roosevelt once said “Comparison is the thief of Joy.” We observe this phenomenon on social media where people feel less happy because they envy the success and happiness of others. Social comparisons cause people to experience a feeling of deep dissatisfaction. Sometimes, people want to live someone else’s life thinking the grass is greener elsewhere.
It is important practice gratitude for what we already have in life. Cultivating a sense of gratitude is a great antidote for social comparison. While it is difficult to avoid comparing with the Jones, see whether you can be content for others success.
Conclusion
Being aware of these three toxic patterns of thoughts can help you to stop engaging in a downward spiral. When you understand the ‘monkey mind’ you can direct your focus where you want it to go.
