Can you remember how it felt when you experienced an act of kindness? We take notice when kindness is shown to us because it creates a positive impact to our wellbeing. Kindness is not only beneficial to the receiver but the person practicing kindness also reaps some of the benefits. Research has shown it enhances psychological wellbeing, life satisfaction and longevity.
Common misunderstanding
Being friendly, considerate and compassionate are important human qualities. Some people don’t distinguish between kindness and weakness. They imagine a kind person as someone who is easily taken advantage of by others. This is far from what research shows. Expressing kindness often requires courage and strength in a society so deficient of this virtue. Cultivating kindness does not mean to be weak or naive. Kindness and being strong are not mutually exclusive. If someone tries to abuse your kindness, it’s important to stay firm and not to allow others overstep boundaries. Kindness starts with being kind to yourself.
Kindness is a language which the deaf can hear and the blind can see.
Mark Twain
Kindness is an innate ability among humans. Research conducted by Dr. Michael Tomasello of the Max Planck Institute, has shown children are naturally cooperative and helpful from an early age. For example, if you drop something in front of a 2-year old, she is likely to pick it up for you. Being kind is an innate tendency we possess.
Kindness is contagious. Someone who sees an act of kindness being performed can be deeply moved. The warm glow feeling we get from witnessing human goodness inspires us to be kind to others. A random act of kindness can have a ripple effect. It can be a simple gesture that doesn’t cost anything. Give a stranger a genuine compliment, offer someone your pen or send an encouraging email to a colleague.
Self-compassion
According to Kristen Neff, self-kindness is one of the three core elements of self-compassion along with common humanity and mindfulness. If we keep drawing compassion from an empty well, we are at risk of compassion fatigue. One of the hardest things to do is being kind to yourself. You also deserve generosity, kindness and compassion to refill your well. People rarely express self-kindness because they believe it is being easy and complacent. When we are harsh and overcritical, we cause unnecessary suffering and take a self-destructive approach.
In contrast, self-compassion enables someone to be more constructive. To calm your inner critic, replace it with the same kindness, warmth and understanding that you would to a friend who is struggling with a similar situation.
A simple practice
It is vital to treat yourself well in difficult times. Self-compassion gives us support when we most need it. You can try this simple practice without anybody knowing. It starts with a shift in your mindset. Flip the narrative from “poor me, I’m not good enough” to “suffering is part of life, may I be kind to myself in this moment.”
If you want to learn more about practicing self-compassion, watch this 5-minute video guide.
