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Free Yourself From These 3 Toxic Thought Patterns

toxic thought

Humans have around 50, 000 thoughts every day. With all the thinking that goes on, mind wandering is an activity you may be familiar with. The human mind tries to make sense of the world using past references and memories. Thinking creates a unique narrative through which we understand the world.

According to Buddhist principles, we all have the mind of a monkey. The ‘monkey mind’ is a metaphor to characterize our mind that keeps jumping from one thought to the next just like a restless monkey hops from one branch to the other all day long. The self-talk generated by the ‘monkey mind’ is perpetual. Most humans do not know how to tame their ‘monkey mind.’ The human mind doesn’t come with a manual. If the ‘monkey mind’ is left to its own device, the brain becomes easily distracted. Sometimes, we slip into long-held patterns of feeling and thinking that bring anxiety and a feeling of being overwhelmed. We engage in toxic patterns of thought without realizing the damages we make. Understanding these three common pitfalls will help you tame your ‘monkey mind’.

1. Negativity bias

The ‘monkey mind’ often takes us down a rabbit hole of negative thinking. Our brain is hardwired to pay more attention to the negatives and overlook the positives. Let me give you an example. Tom receives a couple of compliments and a complaint from his customers on the same day. The compliments do not impact upon him much positivity as he almost ignores them. He finds himself obsessed about the one complaint. He goes home and his wife asks him “How was your day?” Tom starts talking about the complaint he received and how bad he feels. He starts telling himself he is not good at his job. He brings the negative thought back home and ruin the rest of his evening.

“We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.”

Anais Nin

Is your glass half-empty or half-filled?

Tom sees his glass half-empty. He magnifies a complaint he received and filter out all positive complements. He keeps replaying a mistake made over and over again.

How to overcome negative thought pattern?

First things first. You need to gain awareness of the negative thoughts your mind is generating. What we choose to broadcast our mind has powerful effects on our life. If you keep generating destructive thoughts, your mind becomes good at creating more of them. To break this vicious cycle, it’s important to change the channel. The best way is to take actions. You could go for a walk, talk to a positive person or do something that you enjoy. By engaging in an activity, you distract yourself from the constraint of the negative thought pattern.

“Your private inner dialogue can either be a powerful stepping stone or a major obstacle to reaching your goals.”

Amy Morin

2. Overthinking

Tom dwells on the complaint he received and goes over the same thing trying to imagine every possible outcome and what could happen in the future. He can’t stop thinking about should, could and what if.
“I should have done this instead of that”
“What if I’m not good enough”
“I’m going to get fired”
“What people would think of me?”
 
When we think excessively about something, we get stuck in our head. We impose unnecessary stress upon ourself and our judgement is clouded. Overthinking makes a situation worse than what it is. A complaint stings but it is not the end of the world.

How to stop overthinking?

It is useful to question your thoughts as opposed to believe they are facts. Most negative thoughts are over exaggerations that are not true. When you find yourself overthinking, you almost always worry about things outside of your control. Overthinking clouds your mind and holds you back from taking actions that are within your control. Focus on what you can influence and control.

3. Social comparisons

As much as 10% of our thoughts involve comparison of some kinds. Social comparison is a normal behavior. People constantly measure themselves to friends or colleagues to self-evaluate their wealth, status and relationships. It is difficult to avoid comparing our lifestyle with people we follow on social media. People may compare themselves to someone successful to find motivation or someone worse off to feel better about themselves. Theodore Roosevelt once said “Comparison is the thief of Joy.” We observe this phenomenon on social media where people feel less happy because they envy the success and happiness of others. Social comparisons cause people to experience a feeling of deep dissatisfaction. Sometimes, people want to live someone else’s life thinking the grass is greener elsewhere.

It is important practice gratitude for what we already have in life. Cultivating a sense of gratitude is a great antidote for social comparison. While it is difficult to avoid comparing with the Jones, see whether you can be content for others success.

Conclusion

Being aware of these three toxic patterns of thoughts can help you to stop engaging in a downward spiral. When you understand the ‘monkey mind’ you can direct your focus where you want it to go.

4 Steps To Build Good Habits

Mindfulness

James Clear, author of Atomic habits describes 4 steps that form every habit:

  1. Cue
  2. Craving
  3. Response
  4. Reward

Cue is anything that triggers an urge for your habit. The cue tells the brain to go into automatic processing mode, and it takes effort to resist the cue. If you don’t expose yourself to a cue, you don’t do a habit. Cues fall into one of 5 different categories: a location, a time of day, other people, an emotional state, or an immediately preceding action.


Craving is the motivational force behind every habit. Without some level of motivation or desire, without craving a change we have no reason to act. What you crave is not the habit itself but the change in state it delivers.


Response is the actual habit you perform. It is the activity you wish to change or reinforce.

Reward is the end goal of every habit. It satisfies your craving. The reward reinforces the desired behavior, making it more likely that you will produce that behavior again in the future.

A habit I started is to Meditate 10 minutes every day. Studies have shown time and time again the benefits of meditation. By training my mind to focus and re-direct my thoughts, I increase my attention, clarity and reduce stress.

Let’s break down the habit:

  1. The cue: doing it first thing in the morning
  2. The craving: the state of mindfulness
  3. The response: meditate
  4. The reward: add honey to my tea after every session of meditation

In the first few days of starting a habit, it may help to start small. I meditated for 5 minutes and progressively increased to 10 minutes. There are many barriers to meditation and being consistent is crucial. I used honey in the first few weeks as an incentive to consistently meditate. Over time, the act of meditation became a reward in itself. Adopting a daily mindfulness practice has been extremely beneficial in every aspect of my life.


To ensure consistency when building a new habit, consider tracking the habit. Measure your progress for the next 21 days. Some studies suggest 30 days or even longer. By doing so, you see your progress and it makes the habit more satisfying to keep going. You increase the odd of following through. Can you think of good habit that will improve your life?

Why Specialise When You Can Generalise

Generalised Specialist

Everyone aspires to become a specialist. Specialists are highly praised and often seen as superstars. Specialists deserve the recognition for their incredible skills and expertise. Progress in society has created a need for specialists who have an in-depth knowledge and complex skills. In recent decades, we have seen a rise in sub-specialties. Experts in a very narrow discipline are very sought after. Being a generalist is like being a “jack of all trade”. As the saying goes, “jack of all trades are masters of none.” Generalists are often perceived as an ‘inferior’ option as they are not the superstars. The very fact that generalists are not the superstars is one of their superpowers.

Multipotentialite

Emilie Wapnick coined the term “multipotentialite” as someone with many interests and creative pursuits. Generalists are true multipotentialites. They have an ability to see the big picture and keep an open mind as opposed to monopotentialites whose knowledge are limited to one discipline. Generalists have a breadth of knowledge and a unique set of skills to excel in the full spectrum of a variety of fields. The best generalists know the limit to their depth of knowledge and are acutely aware when to consult specialists.

Generalists thrive on always learning new knowledge and adapting themselves to improve their practice. They often jump in wherever needed to pick up the pieces others have forgotten. Without a linchpin that holds the various parts together, the whole thing falls off. Generalists communicate with other specialists and understand their perspectives. This puts them in a unique position to always see the big picture. Like a linchpin, the generalist connects and holds each part together thereby supporting cohesive work. You might have read until now and still don’t know.

Should I be a generalist or a specialist?

It’s not an easy career decision. What if you could find a middle ground? Generalist and specialist do not have to be mutually exclusive. A generalized specialist is someone who has roughly the same breath of knowledge as a generalist with at least one deep area of expertise.

Leonardo da Vinci was a perfect example of a generalized specialist. He is renowned primarily for his paintings and drawings. Da Vinci was also interested in architecture, engineering, music, literature, mathematics, botany, and history. His application of combined interdisciplinary knowledge from botany and mathematics are reflected in his paintings. The Mona Lisa is the most famous of his works.

Johannes Kepler was a mathematics teacher who became interested in astronomy. If you are interested in astronomy, you might have heard of Kepler’s law of planetary motions. Kepler revolutionized our knowledge of planetary motion by combining physics and optics.

Whether you are a specialist, a generalist or a generalised specialist, each category has its place in the world. Ultimately, you need to consider your personal interests and what category fits you.